Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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