I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
