Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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