It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
