just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
