this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
