sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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