she was so not down for the gang bang
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
