i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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