I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
