Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
