So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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