i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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