She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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