How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
