Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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