on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
third nipple confirmed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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