Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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