im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
