What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
