His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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