Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
