Cold hands, warm shart.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize