I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
