He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
