i think my tv is drunk
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
