Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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