im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I want her autograph on my taint
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
