just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
