Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
