I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize