that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
