Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Be still, my beating vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
