also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
