She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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