I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize