whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
