I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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