the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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