a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
