paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
