I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
