can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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