Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
