Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
