You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
