i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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