sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
