Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
