i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
