i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
