hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.