Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So much rum. So many feels.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.