I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation