Buhtt sex?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
