so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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