just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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