Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
