dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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