By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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