You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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