please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
