I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
