i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
