life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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