she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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