I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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