Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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