im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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