tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
