They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
