I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How's work?
Spinning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
