I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
