Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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