He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm passing your future prison.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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