You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
