so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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